On Being a Mama

It's definitely days like today-days I'm singing "reunited and it feels soooo goooood," to the couch as I finally plop down- when I ponder this motherhood thing. It's only halfway through the day, or nap time as I like to say, and all I can focus on is the pain shooting down my legs, across my back and through my heels. These days, I wonder if I'm doing enough to show my girls just how much I love them. I wonder if I'm being selfish to ask for a few minutes before I stand up to get them a drink. It's days like today when I wonder if I have what it takes to be a mom--at least the kind of mom I want to be.

Raise your virtual hand if you have ever wondered if you are filling the big shoes of mom. Do you remember as a child, or even now, thinking that mama can fix it-- whatever it is, mom could definitely fix it.

You've got a fever-- mom makes it go away.

You just need a hug-- mom's got one.

You have a question that only mom can answer--well, let's hope mama's there.

And then there's the even bigger situations in life where mom steps up and eases your mind, soul, and spirit.

I don't think there is any one thing that a mom does to convince her child she is in deed super woman; rather, it's a compilation of acts over time that build and build into a child's idea of mom.

We may not remember the first time we laid eyes on each other, the first time she cleaned up our puke, changed our diaper, or gave us a hug; but all of those acts are written on our slate. Each and every kind and loving motherly act teaches a child about life and helps to create our own definition of mom.

So, if you're like me, you grow up thinking that there is no one who loves you quite like mom. Your definition of mom, though indescribable as it may be, is set in stone. Even in the teen years, when you are convinced she's wrong about everything and has no clue what it's like to be 16, somewhere in the back of your hard head you know she loves you. Then suddenly, you're an adult, you become mom, and you're left wondering if these HUGE shoes can possibly be filled by your own two feet!

All through the nine months of that first pregnancy, soon-to-be mom is somewhat blissfully ignorant. She knows she is going to love this little life more than she loves her own; yet, there is still that very unknown territory of being mom. Then, that first baby is born, mom emerges as she reaches for her baby, and she starts creating her own legacy for her children.

Even now, as I sit here watching my belly dance with baby number four behind the choreography, I am still wondering if I have what it takes to help my children define mom as that indescribable woman who loves them so much it hurts! I realize that my daughters will be normal--never realizing just how much mom loves them until they become a mom, but I pray that with each day that passes I am creating a legacy that makes my girls proud to call me mom.

It's days like today when I have to look at the big picture. After all, if I follow my own idea, it's not just one thing that sticks out in my child's mind when she thinks about mom-- it's a compilation of loving acts which help her understand just how much she is loved. It is my wish to leave my daughters with the knowledge and skills they need to become the mom they thought I was and that I hope I am. And I pray, despite my many mistakes, my children will realize one day what this all-encompassing mother's love is really all about.

Thank you, mom. And to all of you mom's giving your all everyday so that your child has the best love you can offer, thank you. It's people like you who make this world a better place by doing it all out of love.

NOT ME MONDAY #8

Yep, it's Monday, folks-- it's time for Not Me Monday. As I get further along in this pregnancy, there are so many more ridiculous things that I certainly don't do. Patients are running low. Energy starts running awfully low at about mid-day. Cravings for chocolate soar to new heights. And aches and pains linger longer everyday. Needless to say, you better bet there's a whole list of stupid things I never did this week.

NOT EVEN one night last week did I declare, "I refuse to cook dinner because I cannot be on my feet any longer without collapsing," to my husband as he walked in the door from work. Since I didn't even do that one day last week, you better believe I didn't do it a few more than that!

I'm NOT one of those people who gets grumpy when she doesn't feel well. I'm no wuss-- I can handle back/hip/leg/heel-breaking pain without it getting to my head. There's no way my fuse has been WAAAAAYYY shorter this past week. *There are some stories being withheld here.

When we woke up to an inch or so of snow on the ground Saturday morning, I DID NOT jump up and down (okay it was only in my head)and get excited for the girls to play in it. You see, we have had little to no snow this winter, and I'm really missing it. The girls got snow bibs and sleds for Christmas and we have not been able to use them--- until a brief encounter two days ago. There's NO WAY I got the girls all bundled up (taking about 20 mins), grabbed the camera and video camera, and walked outside just to spend 5 mins snapping photos in the very cold wind. My kids are troopers, though. They played in looked at the snow and posed for photos just so I could get a couple of my fav kind of pictures. But, you know, I COULD NEVER make my kids "suffer" for five minutes just so I can attempt to capture that Kodak moment.

And I'M NOT sad that this last picture is of three empty sleds. The best picture I had planned WAS NOT all three of them posing nicely while I took a few pictures of them on their sleds. Oh well, there's still hope for more snow-- sometime in the next 10 months!

Wordless Wednesday

Update, from one of my NMM worries

Apparently, I put some good vibes out there via the blog world today. My husband, despite the fact that he hardly ever reads didn't read my blog today, came home early and accepted my suggestion of doing a little baby shopping.

So off to a certain baby superstore (not my fav, but sufficed)and Target we all went. I found a new breast pump-- although I'm putting off the purchase because there's only a 45 day warranty. I need to do a little research anyway to decide if the one in the store is in fact the one I want.

I also made a somewhat important decision-at least as far as I'm concerned- about the nursery colors. We found a dust ruffle and sheets to match, therefore narrowing down our nursery color choices to a few shades of pink, a greenish sage, brown and tan. I think we're going with the tan for the walls and a dark pink for her dresser. Then the other colors will be placed throughout the room with accessories. I will most certainly post pictures as soon as things are complete.

And most importantly, I think we are just that much closer to deciding upon a name. I'm feeling good about the first name, but the middle name is a little shaky right now. And, yes mom, I will make sure you know before the blog world knows.

NOT ME MONDAY #7

Here's a list of things that I really didn't do this past week. And if you need more clarification on what the heck I'm yacking about, then check out MckMama's blog for the details.

First of all, I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT skip last week's Not Me Monday. I wouldn't do that-I couldn't do that. There's no way I could justify skipping what has become a new ritual for me every week. Oh, and I also didn't consider skipping this week's Not Me Monday because I'm totally lame and can't think of anything to write about.

I REALLY DID NOT bake brownies and cookies in the past week. My chocolate craving is DEFINITELY NOT that out of control. And these non-existent cookies and brownies ARE NOT completely gone now-- not even lasting 24hrs. Hey now, I do have a husband and three kids who like this stuff, too.

I DID NOT just realize last night that we've got about two months until a certain baby's arrival and then start worrying about how much we have not done to prepare for her. I CERTAINLY DON'T care if the nursery's not painted, there's no bedding, all of our "baby" stuff is in a closet down stairs, her clothes are sitting in laundry baskets waiting to be washed, her dresser is sitting in our garage waiting to be painted, I still need to create a list of recipes I will be making and freezing so we don't have to cook, and that all the little things still need to be purchased and put away. Oh, and I'm NOT FREAKING OUT because I think our child will remain nameless.

For the record, let me say that THERE'S NOW WAY I ate french fries 3 times last week. We DIDN'T grab dinner after my OB check on Tuesday at one of my fav burger and fry estb., Jefferson's. After working Peach's book fair on Thursday from 11-1 (what was I thinking working over lunch) I DID NOT stop at the first restaurant (Arby's) on my way home and have a chicken sandwich and fry. And for Pete's sake, I WOULD NEVER make a pit stop at Sonic on Saturday(for a kid's meal) before heading to a circus--where I thought the cotton candy/popcorn/hot dog food would be unacceptable.

And let me just say how NOT THRILLED I am to have all of my children walking finally. My sweet Bug turned 16 mos yesterday and she can officially be called a toddler now-- because she toddles. Oh, and she's so cute with her wobbly legs and occasional, unexpected plops on her buns. YEAY, I have two months where I don't have to carry anybody (although I"m sure Bug will still expect to be carried like a baby). For those of you with multiple young children, you may understand why a mama would be thrilled about this. For others, let me just say that when you have 3 young people out in public, a diaper bag, shopping bags, and whatever else in the world you may be carrying, it is so nice to be able to just carry all that stuff and let your three little babes hold hands as you make your way through wherever you are. And because I know you're thinking this--- yes, my girls really do listen well and hold hands when we're out in public. If it's a scary situation, like a parking lot, I always hold the youngest one's hand. And if there's a cart or I can use a stroller-- um, yeah, you better believe I use those.

I'm NOT going through round two of the "whys" and constantly having to think way ahead of a 2-1/2 yr old. I HAVE NOT given up with the constant "whys" and said, "well, why not?" just to have Brownie say the exact same thing. So now she gets to ask why and why not. Yes, it was cute the first time!

And in conclusion-
No I DID NOT just write "and in conclusion" as a joke because when I was teaching English I hated it when a student wrote those words in the first sentence of the last paragraph. How unoriginal!

We had about a week's worth of nice days a while ago. It was a much needed break for me the kids. We went to the park, jumped a little hopscotch, took walks, played outside with balls, chalk and sensory tables.



Bug gets paintbrushes and water for her sensory table. Everything else is food to her-- so no dried pasta, beans or birdseed. Yes, even shaving cream has been mistaken for whip cream by this little gal.

Oh, did I mention we posed in climbed trees in the front yard. This Brownie is getting adventurous.

Here's peach hopscotching her time away. This girl loves jumping on numbers. Do you think she can learn through osmosis? If so, then bending over my preggo belly to write those numbers was well worth my time.

And speaking of my preggo belly-
I've been trying to snap interesting belly photos. Obviously, you can see this is my shadow cast against a fence. Hey, at least I'm not posing in front of our bathroom mirror-*note the absence of our sink fixtures and ugly blue and white stripped wallpaper.

We also visited the zoo for the first time in a loooooooooong time--so long in fact, that the girls have matured enough to really appreciate this experience. Unfortunately, these pictures are not wanting to load now and I'm on my way out the door. So, these pictures will be coming soon!

Let's Try Wordless Wednesday

Not Me Monday # 6

Yep, it's Monday. Since practically everyone in BlogWorld is doing Not Me Monday, you all should totally understand this by now. But, just in case you are new, visit MckMama's blog for all the official rules.

My Peach had a little accident yesterday concerning number 2, her pants/underwear, and the floor. There was a major... we'll just say mess on some clothing, and instead of washing it I thought about simply tossing it in the trash. There's NO WAY I'd ever do that though-- I'm too cheap.

While at the park enjoying our wonderful 60 degree-break from winter weather, my baby Bug really needed a tissue for her nose. Without anything tissue-like in sight, I DID NOT give my husband the okay to go ahead and wipe her snot onto the bottom of her shirt. What kind of mother would do that?

My husband had a craving (for once) for some Italian last night. I didn't feel like cooking. You can guess what I totally DIDN'T give into, right? Johnny Carinos most certainly DID NOT receive our business yesterday evening. And there's NO WAY we split an amazing shrimp and chicken pasta with a spicy cream sauce, mushrooms, sweet red peppers and chives while our little people chowed on some mac'n cheese.

After the older two girls sat down to play with their individual sensory tables a few days ago, I DID NOT catch my pickiest eater sitting there chewing on dried pasta. There's no way my Brownie would ever touch pasta unless it was cooked and covered in cheese-- so I know she was NOT eating it dry? Okay, so this one belongs under Brownie's NOT ME MONDAY!

And to end this story, let me just tell you how I'm so NOT emotional this week. Please, somebody buy some stock in Kleenex already.

Blog Friends and Their News

When I logged onto the computer this morning, I had no idea how much good news was out there.

Amanda, over at http://aproudmommyof4.blogspot.com/ just found out that her biopsy results came back benign. By the way, this is the gal who helped me create the new look for my blog.

And baby Harper, who is three weeks old, is finally home. You can see her story on her mama's blog at http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/

If you have clicked on my Praying for Abby button then I'm sure you know her story. This sweet and strong little girl is going through chemo and it's taking a toll on her tiny body. The fact that she has no immune system is one of the biggest threats to her life. She's also in a tremendous amount of pain. Please pray that she, too, will have good news soon.

What's a Mama To Do?

What is a mama supposed to do when all her babies are asleep......but all she wants to do is snuggle up with them all and never let them go?
It's 11am and your kiddos are chasing each other through the house while you're trying to fix lunch and nurse a head ache. Do you ever wish that they could just skip lunch and go straight to nap? I do.

It's 10pm and your kiddos are in bed. Do you ever wish you could go into their room and snuggle them without waking them up? I do. I want to right now!

*************************************************************************************

When I hear about little girls (boys too, but lately all have been girls) in need of prayer for various illnesses or situations, it makes me want to hug and kiss my sweet girls and thank God that (for all I know) they are healthy. Unfortunately, I tend to hear these stories during my free-time-- after the girls are in bed; hence my problem with wanting to cuddle them. I can't wake them up because my pregnancy hormones have made me a complete mush and I need a little cuddle fix. And it doesn't end there.

I've even been known to cry right in the middle of snack time recently because I was thinking of a three-year old with cancer. Not that this isn't very sad, but usually I can reserve some private time to think about , cry, and pray for her. Now my three-year old knows that when I cry, those are "mommy's happy tears." That's what I call them because I'm awful at hiding them and I don't want her to worry.

So, I'll head to bed with my empty arms so that I can wake to get lots of sweet hugs! Of course, come 1pm tomorrow, I'll be thankful that they are resting quietly so that I, too, can get a little rest!

NOT ME MONDAY #5

You all know the rules to this fantastic operation of denying I'm not a perfect mother, but if this is your first time reading a Not Me Monday head over to MckMama's blog for all the details.
However, if this is indeed not your first time viewing all of the things I most certainly DID NOT do this week, then read on my friend. And if you're brave, try it out on your own!

Others and myself consider me to be a bit of a food and label reading snob. I buy organic and local when I can. I won't buy many "inner-isle" items, but things like bread, rice, and cereal is as 100% whole wheat and free of lots of sugar and high fructose corn syrup as I can get it. I most certainly NEVER buy fun food! So, there is obviously NO WAY that I let my Peach eat fast food for lunch three days in a row this week. Her grandma DIDN'T bring over McDonalds after preschool on Tuesday. Wednesday was library day until about noonish, and this preggo was NOT super hungry. Since the library is waaaay across town, there was no way I could make that drive, unload all of the kids and then cook them all lunch in time to save my stocmach. So we totally DIDN'T stop at a local hamburger-type shop to enjoy chicken nuggets, fries, and free chocolate ice cream. And finally, on Thursday, the Peach invited me as a guest to her preschool. I had planned a special lunch date with her after school way before I knew she'd be eating out the two days before. So, I DIDN'T keep our plans and take her to the yummiest sandwich shop in town. NOPE, I'd never let the kids eat so much junk in such a short amount of time.

I have NOT thought of another 'K' name for the new baby recently. People get confused by my kids' names already, why would I add to that confusion.

My youngest, the Bug, is a habitual pooper in the tub. My husband tends to be on bath duty more often than not- so when I hear the older two yell out, "She pooped dad, she pooped again," I WOULD NEVER laugh my tookis off as I rush upstairs to assist. I can't imagine being that rude when I know good and well that if the situation were reversed I might find it a bit irritating that my husband was laughing.

I was not totally stoked this week when PRES. OBABMA signed his first bill into law. I definitely HAD NO INTEREST in the fact that now women will have an easier time getting the money they are owed. The fact that women are just now getting this right DOES NOT TOTALLY IRRITATE ME! I'm NOT STILL sitting her amazed that it's 2009 and women are still working their way up in the workforce.

So, aren't you glad that I'm not one of those moms who lets their sweeties eat junk. Gosh, I couldn't live with myself if I ever let my kids eat take-out thre days in a row. I'm glad I have a place where I can tell you all how happy I am that I'm perfect.

What We Were Doing A Year Ago, or Almost A Year Ago

Just out of curiosity, I looked through my photo file from a year ago today. Kansas Day 2008 was a work day for me. It was one of my first days at my new job as a museum teacher, and it was a busy day. I don't think I had much time for pictures on that particular day, so I had to find one of each girl nearest to 1/29/2008.


After reviewing my choices, I thought it was a bit funny that some of my favorite pictures ever were taken during this time. An almost 16 month old Brownie is pictured above (on 1/28/2008) in her post-nap glory. She's got her blankie, a sippy cup full of milk and a bit of the bed-head. The look on her face says....
well, I'm not sure what it says. Post a comment and tell me what you think!

Here's a 3 month old Bug. I love this picture. Sadness and anger spread across my sweetie's face; but, I love how that is juxtaposed with the shirt. Despite her "bad" times, my love for her is all around. Though this picture may appear to be one thing to everyone else, I remember a snugly girl with lots of love to share.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any pictures of Peach taken on 1/28/2008. I believe she was napping. But this one above was taken on the next day I took pictures, 2/3/2008. No work for the adults that day+ lots of fresh snow = great picture opps and lots of lovies. I just adore the pictures from this day. We made happy, fun, great memories this winter day a year ago.

So, what's in your picture file from a year ago-- or almost a year ago? Isn't a trip down memory lane fun?

Not Me Monday #4

Welcome to Not Me Monday, created by MckMama to help all of us who think we need to hide our shortcuts in life. It really is my kind of therapy.



So, for my first admission-- I was NOT totally busted by the library lady at my daughter's preschool. I DIDN'T bring down a "woulda-been book club" all by myself. You see, at the beginning of the school year, I looked into joining a book club for moms who had kiddos at our preschool. I didn't realize that the lady interested in starting this and I were the only ones who had signed up when it came time to plan the year. So I went to the first meeting with the library lady (L.L) and the other mom (O.M). We planned out the first semester's books and what dates we'd meet. Then we were going to hope someb0dy else joined. Well, the first meeting rolled around and I had a meeting at work for a new program during this book club time. I called and left a message for either L.L. or O.M. and went on to my meeting. I never heard anything from anybody, so I haven't been to a meeting ever! I was cruising through life not thinking twice about book club until last Friday when our preschool had a chili feed. Guess who was there--mmm hmmm, that's right-- library lady. She walked right up to me and said something that sounded like, "So you could never make it to book club, huh?" BUSTED! "Nope, I've been pretty busy, these kids keep my schedule full" I replied. Some small talk with a bit of awkward in the air proceeded. Come to find out, no one ever showed interest in this book club-- it never even started. I'm NOT wondering if this dang book club would have started had I not been so............

absent.



We had chicken and noodles for dinner last night. My Bug rubbed all the gooey sauce stuff all over her head. Well, the obvious solution for the perfect mom would be to give her a bath. But you see, the rest of her was perfectly clean--- and it wasn't even bath night. Hmmmmm... what's a mom to do? Maybe grab her baby in her post-dinner glory and take her to the sink. There was a brand new bottle of kid shampoo/conditioner I just bought at the store earlier that day sitting next to the sink. There was even a clean hand towel. It seemed to be calling my name. But let me assure you all, I DID NOT take my baby Bug to the sink, spray down her head, shampoo and condition in one step, and then rinse. NOPE, that would be the shortcut in life. I think I just ran upstairs and gave her a bath the old-fashioned way.

Finally, when lying in bed last night I was NOT thinking about having a baby on May 4th--in tornado alley. You see, worryworts sit around making things up in their head about a tornado ripping through the hospital right as the doctor says, "okay, it's time to push." And I'm NOT a worrywort. I'm definitely the kind of mom who lets life happen and crosses the bridge when we get there. I most certainly DID NOT imagine being swept up into a tornado in the "push" position. When has that ever happened?

And, so, you all see that I'm totally sane and I DON'T ever take the easy way out or think up crazy things. NOPE, NOT ME!

A Day in the Life of the Bug

Hang out on mama.

Have a first play date with Playdough.

Mama, it's messy. I don't think I like it.

Here, you take it. I don't want it anymore. This is soooo not a task for a princess.

Hey, mom, how about letting Bug play in the water like me? I think it's fun!

See, I put these toys in the water and splash around. I bet Bug can do it too!

Yeah, this is fun! More, mama, more!

Frogs in water-- way better than Playdough! I think I'm done here. Can I get down?
And as I'm cleaning up the water mess...

She's off destroying the bathroom-- can you believe she's trying to escape!
** Side note-

I was going to start Wordless Wednesday (where I post pictures with no words) with today's post, but I just had to add the words here. I know her so well, and I'm sure these words are exactly what she was thinking!!!