It's definitely days like today-days I'm singing "reunited and it feels soooo goooood," to the couch as I finally plop down- when I ponder this motherhood thing. It's only halfway through the day, or nap time as I like to say, and all I can focus on is the pain shooting down my legs, across my back and through my heels. These days, I wonder if I'm doing enough to show my girls just how much I love them. I wonder if I'm being selfish to ask for a few minutes before I stand up to get them a drink. It's days like today when I wonder if I have what it takes to be a mom--at least the kind of mom I want to be.
Raise your virtual hand if you have ever wondered if you are filling the big shoes of mom. Do you remember as a child, or even now, thinking that mama can fix it-- whatever it is, mom could definitely fix it.
You've got a fever-- mom makes it go away.
You just need a hug-- mom's got one.
You have a question that only mom can answer--well, let's hope mama's there.
And then there's the even bigger situations in life where mom steps up and eases your mind, soul, and spirit.
I don't think there is any one thing that a mom does to convince her child she is in deed super woman; rather, it's a compilation of acts over time that build and build into a child's idea of mom.
We may not remember the first time we laid eyes on each other, the first time she cleaned up our puke, changed our diaper, or gave us a hug; but all of those acts are written on our slate. Each and every kind and loving motherly act teaches a child about life and helps to create our own definition of mom.
So, if you're like me, you grow up thinking that there is no one who loves you quite like mom. Your definition of mom, though indescribable as it may be, is set in stone. Even in the teen years, when you are convinced she's wrong about everything and has no clue what it's like to be 16, somewhere in the back of your hard head you know she loves you. Then suddenly, you're an adult, you become mom, and you're left wondering if these HUGE shoes can possibly be filled by your own two feet!
All through the nine months of that first pregnancy, soon-to-be mom is somewhat blissfully ignorant. She knows she is going to love this little life more than she loves her own; yet, there is still that very unknown territory of being mom. Then, that first baby is born, mom emerges as she reaches for her baby, and she starts creating her own legacy for her children.
Even now, as I sit here watching my belly dance with baby number four behind the choreography, I am still wondering if I have what it takes to help my children define mom as that indescribable woman who loves them so much it hurts! I realize that my daughters will be normal--never realizing just how much mom loves them until they become a mom, but I pray that with each day that passes I am creating a legacy that makes my girls proud to call me mom.
It's days like today when I have to look at the big picture. After all, if I follow my own idea, it's not just one thing that sticks out in my child's mind when she thinks about mom-- it's a compilation of loving acts which help her understand just how much she is loved. It is my wish to leave my daughters with the knowledge and skills they need to become the mom they thought I was and that I hope I am. And I pray, despite my many mistakes, my children will realize one day what this all-encompassing mother's love is really all about.
Thank you, mom. And to all of you mom's giving your all everyday so that your child has the best love you can offer, thank you. It's people like you who make this world a better place by doing it all out of love.
2 comments:
great post, Lara. We all have the guilt bug occasionally. I think it's inescapable. I had mine this morning when Jack got up 1/2 hour early while there was still a chance little sis would nurse and go back to bed and I didn't have the energy to fight with him to go back to sleep. Once she was back in her bed, I let him play quietly until my alarm went off, but instead of snoozing, I felt horrible that I wasn't getting up. Nevermind that I fell asleep working somewhere around 3 and went to bed at 5:30 just as hubby's alarm went off and an hour before little sis would be awake. Like I said, no matter how much you do to provide everything, you can't escape the bug now and again. I think it's just in our nature. Hang in there, you're an awesome mama! We missed you at open house : /
I bet we're gonna miss being in the same classes next semester, too? we're m/w's in the fall. you're looking good btw! getting closer now : )
beautiful post!!
Post a Comment