Mother's Day

Did you know that as I grew into an adult, I was pretty sure kids were not a part of my future? I know, crazy talk for a lady still in her 20's who has 5 little kids. I guess you could say a lot changes in just a few years. And didn't somebody say one time that having a baby changes everything?

Well it does. It changes the way you sleep. Eat. Walk. Drive. See the world. See your own mother. See yourself. Your spouse/partner. And it can even change a heart, and a mind alike.

If anything, I thought after I'd been teaching for 10 or so years, I could possibly settle down long enough to produce an offspring, but I wasn't even positive on that. And now, shortly after having my fifth child, I can look back on my earlier days and just laugh, and maybe wonder.

I sometimes wonder what life would have been like sans kids, and this is usually when I'm throwing diapers in the trash once an hour while listening to a baby, toddler and preschooler cry at the same time as a toilet overflows and dinner is burning, and my older two are fighting....

and I spend about one-tenth of a second in the sans kids fantasy before realizing that that life is but a forgotten path on my life's journey. After that tenth of a second, I want to stop thinking about that alternate life and how dull it would be. Even if some may call my life as I live it now, what with my daily mini-van tours of my town and dirty loads of laundry, totally boring--that's okay. It probably is boring to somebody who isn't me. Somebody who hasn't invested the time and energy into making these babies, feeding them, holding them, playing with them, teaching them, and watching them grow each day.

But I have done those things. I have done much more than those things. And I want to keep doing these things--admittedly without so much whining as we have in our house right--but still. No matter what I tell myself in the heat of frustration as I curse the moment I chose to be a mom and not work full-time outside the home, I really have no desire to do or be anything else right now than a mom.

Sometimes I cry out to God in a hot mess of tears and ask why HE thought 5 in 5 years was something I could handle. Or something I would want to handle. Or even, dare I say, something I'd be good at.

Me on typical day in the past 6 weeks: You know God, I kinda think You of all people would know what I can handle. But seriously, this is the plan you had for me? Why oh why didn't you prepare me for this?


Yeah, I think this thought roughly 17 times per day. And one day, on probably the 12th time I'd thought that thought that day, I wondered if maybe I was prepared for this role. Not only to mother, but to mother all girls, ages 5 and under.

Growing up all I ever wanted was what I used to refer to as a "real family." In the late '80s that meant a mom, dad, and siblings. In 2nd grade I was totally convinced that I was the only kid with divorced parents (though I doubt that was actually true) and that everything I did different was because I was so different in the parental department. Yes, 7 yr old minds do work in mysterious ways... but nonetheless I had convinced myself of this story.

Moving right along...

As an adult, I never consciously decided to plan a family. I just didn't think it was in my deck of cards. And when our first surprise came along, it took some incredible adjusting on my part (and Matt's as well). I was mad, scared, and sad for the first part of that pregnancy. And then I was elated, excited and thrilled to meet my baby. And of course, it was love at first site.

I was hooked. Wrapped. Sucked in. Taken. Breathless. That little baby was mine and I was going to love her from here to eternity. And she was such an easy-going baby. In our naivete, my husband and I decided we'd love to have another one whenever it happened. And four months after our first dauther was born, we found out we were expecting again.

Every time we welcome a new little girl we feel the same way as we did 5 1/2 years ago. The love that fills our home is only matched by the volume level in our home. It's in these loud and crazy moments that I find myself feeling different from everyone else. Most people have 2, maybe three kids, and here I am with 5. All girls. All so close in age. A rarity indeed.

But this different doesn't feel awkward. There might be some who point and laugh at my differentness, but these days I don't give a hoot. That's when I start to believe that I was prepared for the role of Head Hauncho at Casa de Copeland!

The desire for family I had when I was a kid, I've since created in my adult life. And I certainly don't think for one second that desire is all HE gave me. I was raised by two of the most stubborn and loving women I have ever known-- my mom and Mema. And I know that with desire and will, this whole mothering 5 tiny people thing is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Yes, I was prepared to be their mom! Happy Mother's Day!