Moms, Mamas, Mommies

So thankful for all the moms in my life, today.

I'm so blessed to have been raised by my mom--she made me who I am today. And guess what, she loves me anyway. HA! I'm fortunate to have a mom who will go to the ends of the earth to help me or show me she cares. When I reflect on my childhood, I often wonder if I'm doing a good job on all the things she did so well.

And I'm so in love with my children--they're the reasons I'm here today celebrating Mother's Day on the "Mom" side of the day! I know I say it all the time, and it's pretty cliche, but I don't know what I'd do without them.

I can remember in the early days of motherhood, I was in such shock that I was a mom that I just couldn't get used to the idea. I loved my child. I bonded with her very well, but somehow there was a disconnect between me and reality. Though I cared for my child in every way and with pure joy, I just couldn't get over the fact that I was a MOM! One minute I was in college finishing my masters degree, and the next I'm trying to learn how to nurse a newborn. But I've always dealt with change in a very "denial" type of way. I'm still writing 1999 on the date line of my checks....

no, I lied. I don't think I was even writing checks in 1999.

Today, I feel very much like a mom. That is pretty much my whole identity. I think that's unhealthy, but I'll work on identifying with other parts of me once all parts of me sleep through the night again. Or wash every day. Or even eat 3 square meals a day. Oh, and exercise---all parts of me really miss time for exercise.

With such a young and rather large brood, I kind of have my hands full about 24 hours a day. Before our 5th child arrived, I was at least getting rest in the evening after my kids went to bed. And most of the time I'd sleep through the night if it wasn't for upset, supposed-to-be-sleeping kids. BUT NOW....

Two of our children are requiring at least an hours worth of tucking in routines. They, who shall remain nameless, are 2 and 3 (hey, I didn't say they'd remain ageless) and totally struggling with separation at sleep times. There's lots of tears from both them and me. There may or may not be foot stomping-- my husband told me that's pretty childish of me. But what can I say, I stoop when I'm frustrated and wearied.

So after all fits have ceased, there's usually at least an hour's worth of work to be done. But I'm choose to sit down for just a minute. And on cue, Scrunchie starts crying. And of course she needs mama. Calming her down can be simple sometimes, and other times it's a major hour-long ordeal. We do what we can to comfort her and then I put her to bed and I head to bed as well. But my own bedtime routine takes 20 minutes--which at the end of a long evening seems like another hour.

Suffice it to say that when my head hits the pillow, my eyes shut immediately. I can honestly say I've never been so tired. And just when it looks like rest is within my reach, those nameless, sweet babies of mine (at least one of them) are crying. And all night long one of our youngest three children is in and out of crying and sleeping. And I'm usually doing the same--I really am quite childish whilst sleep-deprived. I promise, I'll grow up soon enough.

But you know what's glorious about this time in life? The lack of sleep somehow erases your memory. You see, if you don't fill your sleep tank your memory starts to go. And mine is going, going...

but it's certainly not gone. And even if it was, I've got my blog to hold the memories, right?

Sleep or no sleep, I wouldn't want my life to change (oh, except for the crying and sleep part) one bit! I adore these little people, and in the rare quiet moments where I can sit back and watch my children just be kids, I'm reminded of the pure joy they bring me each and every day.

PS- There are pictures, but for some reason my computer is not reading my memory card. And I just don't feel like dealing with that right now because I'm going to go chase that sleep.