22 Year Old Girl Self vs Me: the Mom

When my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child, we created a list of things that we would NEVER do as parents. I'm sure many of you may have not actually written out a list, but I bet a few of you uttered words such as " I'll never do that when I'm a parent!"

I remember Matt had something on his list that sounded something like this:
I will never save petty things of my child's.

I of course asked him what this meant. He replied that for example, he would never save a tissue that our child blew his or her nose into; and then he made me promise to {never} do the same. I thought this was a bit extreme, but I automatically had visions of me saving the first hand prints {okay all papers/clay/etc that my kid stamped his or her hand on}, the hospital menu from the day I delivered the baby, the candle from her first birthday cake, etc. I didn't think I could ever part with several items--and this my friends, is the first memory I have of being a mom instead of a 22 year old college girl.

Until this point, my only thoughts concerned me and the responsibility that {I felt} had been placed on me. I thought about all the doctor appointments, money, my future with work; but I never really put much thought into what it would really be like to be a mom. That, at the time, was the furthest thing from my mind. {In case you didn't know, we started our family with a surprise}.

My 22 year old college girl self was concerned with grading papers, being on time with my 45 minute daily commute, finding food for the evening between three jobs, and my hair, of course! I was that person who didn't think kids were in my future, especially my immediate future. I can even remember being in a sandwich shop {in between those three jobs} months before I was pregnant where a bunch of young kids came trotting in with their mom. I just looked at them {kind of like they were a freak show} and thought Good God, that will NEVER be me! {HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA--That's God laughing at my plans, in case you were wondering. You should see the circus we put on when we go anywhere these days. Tons of questions. Tons of stares. Lots of smiles. And so far, no purposefully rude people.}

I wasn't the most sensitive soul at that point in my life; I was a typical self-centered 22 year old. But hey, at least I kept my opinions to myself. You know, opinions like:

Geeze, who would let their kids scream in the store like that?

I'm never going to let my hair/make up/clothes go just because I have kids.

Soccer mom Shmoccer mom!

And of course my all time favorite {which happens to have been number one on both Matt's and my Things We'll Never do As Parents list....

Drive a minivan!

And now nearly 6 years later, I point at that young girl and laugh {yes, with the same judgemental attitude I had back then-- just to be fair, you know}. I wish that mom in the sandwich shop would have pointed to me back then and said Just you wait. This is going to be your life someday {no I would not have believed her. Yes, I would've laughed, but not to her face}.

I was proud of 22 year old girl self for thinking I would do it differently. I would finally be that mom who had it all {of course, this was IF I ever became a mom} figured out. No fast food for my kids. No bad hair days for me. Perfect clothes on perfectly cleaned bodies for all of us. And certainly no minivan.

And at that moment when I began actually thinking about what it would be like to be a mom {yes, I'm sure most of you did this prior to becoming pregnant, but I've always done things in the wrong order} while making out my list, it was as if my 22 year old girl self dropped off the face of the planet and this new mother-type person began to emerge.

In these moments, my thoughts shifted from my hair and schedule to thoughts about this baby.

How would she go to college? Do I have the patience she deserves from a mother? How much tv can she watch and when? Is breastfeeding really the best option? What's the difference between this car seat and that one? How will I ever let go of her hand when she goes to school?

I know this seems outlandish {for me to be picturing her first day of school}, but I swear to you I did. Maybe some of you moms can understand that one. Either way, these were my new concerns. And I was proud to have taken on these new concerns. I felt like all of a sudden I had been given the biggest purpose ever in this life: to make sure this child arrives safely into my arms and has all the opportunities I can provide her with. But it didn't really sink in all the way. It took several years for it all to sink in {and it probably still is}.

All of those things I swore I'd never do, wear, think, or say have been done, worn, thought and said; but it was all out of love!

That time when I left my daughter at home instead of taking her to Target {this was the assigned punishment for my fashionista Brownie at one point in her life} was done because I love her. I want to teach her actions have consequences because I love her and I don't want her to have a sense of entitlement when she is a teenager {or an adult for that matter}.

That time Those times when I've worn my KU t-shirts, sweats, flip-flops or left the house without makeup on and my hair a mess is because I was devoting my time to other matters--matter's like dressing and feeding my kiddos, cleaning up puke, brushing their hair or simply giving much needed cuddles.

Anyway, you get the picture. I was pretty much the perfect mom....
until I had kids. That's when I became a real mom. Someone who does things she thought she'd never do simply because she loves her kids and only wants the best for them.

So, look out all you 22 year old girls who think you've got it all figured out. I'll see you in line at the mall {I'll be that pale-faced, hair up, baggy t-shirt and jeans wearing worn out mom changing a poopy diaper while one of my other kiddos is going down the slide the wrong way, and another one is chasing her other sister saying "The monst-uh is toming to det you!") with your cute skinny jeans on, makeup done, hair perfect; then I'll feel this urge to tell you Just you wait!

And maybe, someday when you're at home with a sick child perusing the web, you'll come across this post and you'll...

...Nah, that would be way to awesome to ever actually happen!