MOTHERHOOD

During the past few months, some of my friends and family were welcomed into the adventure of a lifetime—motherhood. They had their first babies—you know, the baby that changes your entire life. There is an old adage, “Having a baby changes everything,” and it is completely true. One night I was trying so desperately to explain to my friend just exactly what that phrase meant. But I soon realized I couldn’t quite sum it up into a few words or even sentences. How do you cram everything about life into a comforting explanation of the biggest change known to humankind? You just don’t, but I have attempted to examine a few areas of my life that have drastically changed since having my sweet babies. And I skipped some of the obvious ones like sleep!

THEN:
Selflessness- I couldn’t imagine ever being selfless enough to take complete care of another human being. That just sounded like too much work, especially more than I wanted.

Weekends- To envision spending my weekends in any other manner than hanging out with friends and doing as I please was not heard of. The weekend was my time to relax and have fun going out to eat, see a movie, or dance.

Passions- I enjoyed reading, writing, drawing, running, listening to music, and hiking. I was always looking to find other interests as well—after all, I did have the time to do so.

Cooking- I didn’t mind cooking, but I didn’t have much time for it. Needless to say, most of my meals came in a box from the freezer. Can anyone say “Lean Cuisine?”

Laundry- was a four-letter word I avoided like the plague. I often bought more clothes to keep from doing it.

Free-time- I had some free time in between jobs, school, and extra-curricular activities. I mostly spent it doing whatever I wanted, usually enjoying one of my hobbies.

Minivans- I thought boring soccer moms were the only ones who drove minivans, or would even consider owning one. Who wants a car-load of kids screaming and all of their sports equipment? Not me!

Bodily Fluids- The idea of touching someone else’s throw-up, snot, or any other bodily fluid disgusted me to the point of becoming ill.

Money- As far as my money was concerned, I spent it on me most of the time—buying up-to-date clothes, shoes, purses and jewelry—not to mention manicures, pedicures, haircuts, and highlights.

Holidays- For the holidays, I went home to participate in family traditions started and continued by my mom. I never understood why she went to all the trouble of decorating the house or the tree. In fact, I hated decorating the tree.

Public Places- When I saw parents with young children at a restaurant, I would ask the hostess to sit me far from them. Not to be rude, but I just didn’t want to hear whining and squealing while I ate.

And even if I had kids one day, I swore I’d never wipe their face with my spit, raise my voice, or say, “because I said so.”


NOW…
it’s clear to see that my ways have changed…

Selflessness- The instant you find out you’re pregnant, you have to become less selfish for the best care of the baby—and it only continues from there. Being a mother is the most selfless thing I have ever done, and I like it that way. My children are supposed to look to me for anything they need, and I expect nothing in return—well, maybe a kiss and a hug. At least while they’re still so little.

Weekends- I can’t imagine spending much time away from my kids on the weekend. They grow so fast and I don’t want to miss a thing they do. I cherish every moment with them.

Passions- I still enjoy reading—to my babies, writing to and about my babies, and I draw about once a year now. I still run—after my toddler, listen to music—mostly nursery songs, and hike up and down my stairs to retrieve clean clothes, new diapers, and an occasional baby doll.

Cooking -is a new-found passion, but I still don’t have copious amounts of time for it. Cooking a healthy and tasty meal for my family is something I enjoy. But I also appreciate it when my husband takes a turn with it.

Laundry- is still a four-letter word that I always want to avoid. But as I’ve come to realize, it’s just better to do it and get it over with than to have mounds piled on my floors. Believe it or not, those mounds are more annoying that actually doing laundry. Additionally, I don’t have the money to go and buy everyone new clothes when I feel like skipping laundry.

Free-time- is a thing of the past. It comes after kid-time, family-time, couple-time, not to mention cleaning, laundry, sleeping and eating. I tend to take my few moments of peace while bathing because I’m usually alone—unless my 20-month old needs to make sure mommy’s okay while taking a shower.

Minivans- A minivan would be the handiest thing to own these days. With a family of four, soon to be five, I cannot think of managing without one. Oh, and I’m not a soccer mom or boring. I just have three car seats and strollers I need to lug everywhere.

Bodily Fluids- I don’t think many days pass that I don’t end up with clothes stained with spit-up, or poop wiped across my hand as I change a diaper. I’ve also been peed on, puked on, and sneezed on. Did I mention that the first time I ever held either of my children they both pooped one me? Motherhood is so glamorous.

Money- My money is spent on everyone else first, and rarely on just me. I don’t even desire to buy the newest and cutest clothes and shoes for myself, but I love buying them for my daughters. As far as the up-keep of my hair and nails… I just got my first pedicure in over seven months (they used to be monthly), and my first haircut in 6 months.

Holidays- have an even sweeter feeling because I’m helping to make nice memories for my children. My husband and I have started some new traditions, but we are carrying on and adapting many of the ones we grew up with. I, like my mom, am starting and continuing family-holiday traditions. I also obsess about decorating the house and even the tree. Sorry mom, I now see why it was so important to you for this to be a family activity.

Public Places- if I ever make it out in public with the family, I hope, pray, and cross my fingers, that no one will make a scene. If I hear the slightest cry coming on, I cringe thinking of all the eyes that are rolling because “some woman can’t stop her child from crying.” Again with the apologies, I am truly sorry to all of the women I once rolled my eyes at because their child insisted upon crying and crying.

And lastly, I have wiped my child’s face with my own spit (totally out of convenience), I have raised my voice (totally unintentional), and of course I have repeated those infamous words, “because I said so.”

The most important change, however, is how I define love. Not until I held my firstborn had I ever even comprehended what true love is. As many of you mothers reading this know, there is absolutely nothing in the world that matters more, consumes more of you, or affects everything you do than the love you have for your children. It is 110% unconditional. And just when you think your heart contains all of the emotion and love that any human could possibly experience, you have another child and feel the exact same love instantly.