Loving and Loathing in Postpartum

So many emotions have been fluttering around me lately. I know it's probably all (or mostly) due to recently having a baby, and I must say that I despise this part. The postpartum part. I pretty much hate everything about it.

--The leaky faucet feeling--please tell me you know what I'm talking about (and if not... night sweats, nursing, crying etc., etc.)
-- Trying to adjust to the new schedule
--Dealing with fat thoughts and wanting so badly to be back in your normal clothes since that cute belly is no longer hanging out
-- Missing the cute belly
--Healing from delivery
--Not sleeping
-- Dealing with every pain that comes with nursing a newborn--and then dealing with the side effects of pain control meds
-- Trying to handle the demands of your possessive and tantrum-throwing toddler.
--Never seeing your husband because he's sleeping when you're not and vice versa (so he can help with baby in the night)
-- Trying to be on time to anything!!
--Feeling alone

I do, however, enjoy the fact that I can be on my feet longer than an hour now without cringing in pain. And bending over is much easier now! And all nausea has disappeared. And my face isn't so swollen. But other than these things, I am not in love with these post-postpartum issues!

Don't get me wrong, this sweet little person who is currently snoring on my chest is totally worth every ache, pain, and struggle with our new schedule. But sometimes I would gladly hand her over (to trusted, caring hands) just so I could sleep for 6 straight hours. But then I'd want her back... snoring on my chest for 6 hours :)

Or I wish I could take a day off from nursing, give her formula, and then pick back up with nursing without any negative consequences--think mastitis-- OUCH!

Hmmmm, it might be nice to have 15 minutes of talk time with Matt---we have to be coherent and we can't talk about kids, finances, or how much we miss sleep.

God, how I wish I could convince Boushka that she's still my baby and that she doesn't need to act out and cry for 90 minute stretches 4 times a day!

Ahhhh, a girl can dream, right?

I know this is a season in life-- a season in my life and I will walk through it as I have four previous times. It obviously was never too much to handle, otherwise I would have just one child and not 5. Thank goodness I was always able to get over it; my life would be utterly boring without all these tiny people pulling on my leg and asking me 1000 questions everyday.

I'll end on that positive note. And now I'm going to go to bed praying that good sleep falls on the 7 of us tonight!