Losses and Gains

There are so many things that I've never experienced during pregnancy that I am now experiencing with this pregnancy. Some may say this means I am finally having my boy; I just say that it means I'm a little annoyed with the new, though temporary, me.

There is the one good thing--my hair seems a little fuller and wavier; I can handle that! But as far as the annoyances go, the heartburn and crying can cease soon, please!

The heartburn has actually been A LOT better ever since I was put on prevacid. But my mood has just been depressing today.

I have shed too many tears and my eyes are just a little swollen. There were some things thrown my way today (which I'll get to eventually, just keep reading) that were somewhat unexpected, and also sad! Add to that several small children who have constant needs, and one in particular who decided that because she missed both naps over the weekend she was big enough to skip nap today. Yes, this would be Miss Boushka. Instead of napping for 2.5-3 hours, she literally screamed/whined all that time. It wasn't until my second attempt to give her milk that she finally decided she'd had enough of her fit throwing.

Needless to say, I have cried several times today--sometimes it was for a reason and sometimes it felt like there was no good reason. By the time dinner time rolled around I was emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and therefore physically drained. I had no desire to cook, and cooking is my thing--I love it. Since I'm never a cry for no reason type of person, pregnancy, I'm blaming today's mood on you.

Out of all the mess that was today, my husband did suggest that we sit down and discuss where I see myself 5 years from now and 10 years from now (bless him for being there for me when I've been a little less than deserving of his affection lately). I don't know about you all, but it seems as if that big life goal oriented person has withered away over the years since becoming a mom. Most days I'm lucky if I can think what the next day has in store so I can make sure I am prepared. So when he asked me to think about these big life goals, it took some thinking (really only the details needed to be worked out, I already knew the big picture). I know where I see myself, but the path to get there can be a little murky.

Ever since I got my masters in education, I have wanted to do something in the health field. I know that I want to work with babies or in OB, or I could even consider working more office-type hours, say in a gp office. Having 5 kids all 5 and under can make this goal a bit more difficult to obtain than I'd like, but I do believe it can be done.

So after our discussion tonight, I've decided to get the ball rolling. I have my first few steps planned out, now all I have to do is put them into action. But I've gotta say, I wish I would have had this whole thing figured out 10 years ago. Sure would make life much easier right now, but I know I got my teaching license and masters degree for a reason. After all, it has provided me with several teaching opportunities that I have enjoyed, but none more than my job at the museum (and now I'm getting to the point you've been just dying to know about already, HA!).

Of all teacher-related jobs I've had post-college, I must say that none can compare to the one I will no longer be doing. It was seriously the best of both worlds--I was still able to do what I love, but I didn't have to deal with all of the non-teaching related things that all teachers rather not deal with (parent phone calls, student discipline, less than supportive administration, etc...).

Although I'd love to end up back at the museum when my schedule is more friendly, I can see the light I wasn't seeing earlier today. I truly believe that this event happened for a reason, and I also believe that when one door closes another one opens. So, instead of continuing to mull over how I could have made my personal/mommy schedule and job jive, I have decided that I should do something more constructive. So move on, I shall. See the doors opening, I shall. Achieve my next big life goal, I shall.

I don't know the path I will go, or where it is exactly that I'll end up. But I do know that I'll have the support I need from my family and the will to survive these next 5-10 years as mother, wife, teacher (still working online) and student!

But I'm warning you now, if you continue to read this blog beware that I may become crazier as my schedule fills up. I'm just sayin'...