Well, there's still not a lot of creativity flowing out of this vessel. The pain is getting a bit better-- I don't know if it's because I'm not noticing it as much (highly unlikely) or because I've learned to take it down
I know that I'm kind of a control freak, and it's times like this when I realize just how much of a control freak I am. If you would have asked me 5 or 6 years ago whether or not I had a controlling personality, I would have laughed and said, never ever would I!!
That was when I only had me and my schedule to worry about.
With every person added to this family, my controlling personality seems to blossom a little more. I try to be relaxed about things like others stepping up, or learning to keep my mouth shut when my opinion is not needed. I try to not control the manner in which my husband cleans something. I try to let some messes slide. I try to not worry and know that everything will be okay. But it's so hard!
Case in point-
I was reviewing our family calendar I have hanging in our kitchen trying to figure out a good date to be induced (because I really don't want to wait it out). First, I wanted it to be on a weekend or Monday so that Matt and I could clean and organize everything at home before leaving for the hospital-- otherwise I'd feel totally overwhelmed when I come home with Little Gal. When I found the weekends on either side of my 39th week, I discovered that Peach has an ice cream social at preschool, I've got a MOPS steering meeting, not to mention several other commitments and daily tasks to accomplish. I lost hope of my imagined planned-induction since it couldn't be done when I wanted it to be, and I made my way upstairs to confess to my husband.
Upon hearing my reasoning as to why we couldn't be induced when I thought we should, his remark sounded something like this,
Ummm... honey, this is the birth of our child. Somethings don't have to get done.
In my head, I immediately understood what he was saying (and it made sense), but I couldn't find comfort in his words. I was silently thinking that he didn't understand that all of these things have to happen and I need to be in complete control of getting everyone to every activity. Afterall, that's what I do all day-- that's my job-- I'm the one in charge of everything from getting breakfast, transporting kids various places, emailing several people, keeping up with laundry, planning grocery trips, making dinner, oh and not forgetting to raise those kids of mine in a loving and nurturing manner.
No, I don't think I'm super important and the center of the universe-- oh, God no!
But as I'm sure many moms out there can relate (especially moms of many kids), I simply don't want to have to explain everyone's schedule to others I deem responsible enough to handle everything that I would need to do. There's just too many schedules!!
Simply put, I'm lazy, not narcissistic. I do not want to have to put forth the energy to communicate with 10 different people to carry out my responsibilities and then sit there worrying about each of them getting everyone everything they need.
I know, it's still ridiculous. I tell myself to get over it-- really, I do. Don't believe me?
Then why am I sitting here trying to figure out if I can really hand everything over to other people, all the while creating such an awesome post. Ooops, maybe I am narcissistic!
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