Late Night Ponderings

I'm up late...

but I'm getting used to that these days. There's just something about the last few days of a pregnancy (at least in my cases) that make sleep seem unimportant. If you ask me, I think the body should be signaling the brain to say

Hey, get it while you can because soon you won't be getting any sleep...

But obviously the opposite is true--- at least at night. Because ask me to sleep just hours after getting up and I'll have no problem fulfilling your wish! Ah, go figure!



So here I am,


NOT sleeping like I should be,


and thinking of my sweet baby who is about to be dethroned! My tiny little Boushka has been the baby of the family for nearly two whole years. How it's even been that long.... I don't really know!




Just look at her face. Doesn't it just warm your heart and soul? Well, my heart and soul are certainly warmed.

My husband and I both swear that Peach's first two years were never this fast. Not that they dragged on by any stretch of the imagination--- they just didn't happen quite as fast. And to serve as a reminder, just 6 weeks after her second birthday Peach welcomed her 2nd sister into the family. It seems that should have made time go faster, but it's just not so!

We had three babies in just two years. My older two girls had hardly seen their first birthday before they welcomed a little sister. And our third daughter, Bug, got to be the baby for 18 months. When I was due any day with our fourth girl, I remember having the sad oh you're not the baby anymore feelings for Bug. It was certainly stronger for her since she was a whole 6 months older than her bigger sisters were when they got their new sister.

But OH, this little Boushka is nearly two! These sad feelings of losing my baby are a bit overwhelming at times. Of course, each of them will always be my baby. But there's just something about that dethroning that makes it hard. I guess it's guilt, but whatever it is I know I'm just trying to soak up any of our time alone together!

We have Tuesday and Thursday mornings to ourselves. I've been making it a point to get out and enjoy these last moments we have together---because I know before too long she will have company.

At this sweet age of almost 22 months, I want to remember so much about her!


The way her eyes tell me an entire story as she ventures into new territory.

Her golden brown hair that bounces off her sweet little shoulders.

Her smile that is part tease and part innocence.

The expression on her face as she discovers something new!

The sound of excitement in her voice as she says "Loot mama, a tat! A tat!"

I just love watching her try something new...



And end up loving it! The whole time she spent on this swing she was just giggling and laughing her time away.



And this tunnel proved to be quite fun as well. She loved crawling through it and seeing me on the other side.


And it's moments like this, where it's just the two of us, that I will keep near and dear forever. Of course the same goes for all of my girls--it's just a fact of life when you live with a large family. Each moment you get alone with any of the babies is precious. And a huge part of why I blog is because I want to remember these moments for always!

Invisible Mother

I have posted something I received in an email several weeks ago. You may have seen it too, but when I saw it, I knew I had to pass it on. It speaks to all mothers, and the invisibility it speaks of is applicable to any and all mothers throughout time. Of course there are some things included in the daily life of the mother featured in this post that speak to only the current generation, but the idea behind this post is universal and timeless. It speaks to...

...Mothers who carried their babies on their backs as they traversed several miles of trails to a new home.

...Mothers who raised their babies and sent them off to war when they were too young.

...Mothers who watched as their children suffered in a hospital bed.

...Mothers who went to every music program, game, and performance of any kind.

...Mothers who may have received thier beloved title through adoption or foster care.

...Mothers young and mothers old.

...Mothers of all kinds, shapes and sizes.

... even Republican Mothers, Democrat Mothers, African Mothers, Indian Mothers, and American Mothers.

We may have several differences among us that set us apart, but what we have in common is our hearts, our desires and our love for our babies.

Read this and you'll see what I mean (by the way, I threw in random silly pictures of my own kiddos just to make it more fun)!

I didn't write the following words, but you'll soon discover why I included them on my blog.

Invisible Mother...

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible..

The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

Some days I'm a crystal ball; 'Where's my other sock?, Where's my phone?, What's for dinner?'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the greatcathedrals of Europe.



I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'


In the days ahead I read - no, devoured - the book. And I discovered what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:


1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.


2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.


3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.



4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.



A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it.


And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'


I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.



I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.


When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself.




I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it there...'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

(Not so much of a) SNOW DAY!

It's melting, it's melting!

Over the month of January and into the early part of February, our little area of the prairie accumulated quite a lot of snow. I honestly don't have a clue as to how much we actaully accumulated... but suffice it to say it was plenty. About 6 snow days to be exact!

So when the temps reached into the 50's Wenesday, our little hinies were outside enjoying what was left of our white not-so-powdery-anymore stuff!

The piles of snow we had shoveled onto the edge of our grass had diminished quite a bit by 4 pm on Wendesday afternoon.

But obviously there was still enough to dance in.

So imagine my surprise this morning when I looked out our window and saw only a few speckled dots of snow among our brown-ish grass!

I guess this was troubling to Boushka!

And I sure am glad we got to put our hands in it while we still had it--- you know, to put our hands in!

And not only did we get to put our hands in it,

we got to put IT in our hands!

And throw it as far as we could throw!

And we also got to use it as a brake on our hilly driveway. It does a great job holding scooters!

Remember, I told you it was warm (relatively speaking of course)! That explains the sandals in the snow phenomenon seen here!

Look what happens when you play in dirty snow! Yeah, I have no idea what is all over her hands! But we both thought it was kinda cool!

And aren't they cute...

I know I may be a tad biased, but seriously they just melt my heart---espeically when they smile!

I love their cheesyness!

And I even love it when they are experiencing what is known as the post-nap blues around here! She's still cute... even if she refuses to pose with her sisters!

Now that I'm finally finishing up this post (it took me a span of a couple of days to complete), we are still experiencing the beautiful sun and warm(er) weather! But wouldn't you know it...

There is snow in the forecast for Monday! UGH!!

A (late) Valentine's Day Post

Well, I'm not quite a week late... but late, nonetheless!

And that's okay. We kinda spread Valentine's Day out over a week.

We made Brownie and Bug's Valentine's early last week since they had their party at school on Thursday the 10th (because their next day at class would not be until today--February 17th).

We had quite the stack of handmade, homemade hearts adorned with sweet messages!

See... sweet messages.

Apparently we made quite the mess!


I also made their shirts, per their requests. One wanted a Haut, or heart. I chose to make that in some cute zebra print fabric.

I kind of like the Wild About You theme for V-day!

The other gal wanted an XO--so that's what she got.

And of course they wanted coordinating bows--and of course I obliged! I think they think I'm easy... HA!

This little gal had her party on February 14th--- so I finished up her shirt and bow over the weekend. Yes, another XO shirt for our Peach!

And on Sunday we had a little party for the girls and one of their friends--each. In all we had 7 girls (because Boushka didn't have a friend over-- she's a little young).

We made a craft,

had some cookies,

and red velvet whoopie pies to eat while...



... we prepared a goody bag.

And we munched on conversation hearts, M&M's, and NERDS!

I don't think my kids eat that much sugar on Halloween. I must be pretty lax as I near the end of this pregnancy!!


And I can't tell for sure...

but I think...

A good time was had by all!

What do you think?

Updates!

I've got so much to update on. Thank God I've finally got a nice camera (thanks mom) to help me keep track of life. It all starts about the last time I posted--nearly two weeks ago!

We had a snow day right around the time I last posted---no wait, we had 3 snow days that week. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday all of my kids stayed home. I literally didn't leave the house from Sunday afternoon to Thursday afternoon (and that was only because I had a doctor's appointment). And guess what, I lost my wallet after not using it for several days. I'm still working on replacing all of its contents!!

But we did have our fun while we were stuck at home. We made our first batch of snow ice cream.

Milk, snow, vanilla and sugar make the best treat ever--- according to certain little girls!

The kids loved it! Dad and I thought it was okay... I'll never eat it again, but the kids seriously thought it was Christmas all over again.



We also helped the girls build a fort in the big girls room.

We let Bug spend the night under the tents with her big sisters--but if memory serves, she ended up in her bed by the middle of the night. Oh well, good memories were made!

In other news...

We have nearly completed the nursery.

I still need to remove a few random items that are left hanging around. But I finally got the letters for her name done.


It looks like the "A" is a solid green color, but in reality it has tiny white polka dots all over. The rest of the letters are as they appear.


We also hung some shelves and placed a few things around her room. I made her a little bow holder all for her bows only.





The older girls have four bow holders in their bathroom--so it's not like they're going without...


And in the midst of finally having our first normal (meaning no snow days and no hospital stays) week last week, we were thrown for a loop on Friday night.

Yep, that's me in a hospital room. The conversation prior to this photo went a little something like this:

ME: Honey, grab the camera and take some pictures in case this is the last time I'm seen pregnant in regular clothes.

Matt: Okay, show me whatchya got!

Work it girl!

Do your thang!

HA! I don't think that's exactly how it went... but I was very glad we had our camera (I hardly travel without it anymore) handy in case it really was the last time I was pregnant in regular clothes!!!

Just hours before that picture was taken, we were at our 37 week check up. Everything was going accordingly until the Doppler met my belly. In hindsight I recognize that Dr. lingered with the heart beat check. But at the time nothing odd struck me.

When she took the doppler off my belly she mentioned that her heart beat was kind of high and that I needed to be hooked up to the NST (Non-stress test) machine. So we headed to the NST room where we sat while baby's heart beat was monitored for about 30 minutes. The entire time little Miss's heart hardly dropped below 180. So we were sent to the hospital for fetal tachycardia monitoring.

After the picture was taken, I changed into my gown and all the awkward formalities began. All the questions they like to ask were asked and monitors were placed on my belly. I even got my bracelets. And guess what--her heart rate was in the 130's and even dropped into the 120's. That's darn near the opposite problem she was having just minutes before! So they had me turn on my left side to wake her up! And that did the trick. Her heart rate shot right up---to the 150's. Seriously.

All this drama for a perfectly normal child. Don't get me wrong, I was pleasantly surprised and felt incredibly blessed, but still...

This child has since been determined to be a DRAMA QUEEN! This wasn't her first rodeo (in other words, this wasn't' the first time she's required a little extra testing).

Also at the appointment, it was determined that I still had or again had a kidney infection. This could be causing her heart rate to go up, but who knows. When we went to the hospital we honestly didn't know how severe (HA!) this was going to be. It could've been anything from being monitored for 30 minutes and being sent home (that's what happened) all the way to needing to be induced that night, to even an emergency C-section if I had sketchy labs combined with fetal distress. So yes, I was thrilled (as was Matt) that she's just a tad bit of a DRAMA QUEEN!

Oh, and to top it all off, I even had 3 REAL contractions while there. Of course they went away upon standing, but they were 6-8 minutes apart. Oh well, I know it won't be long until I see her sweet face!

And soon I'll post about Valentine's Day! It'll only be about a week late!